Well I’ve done it. I’ve gone completely crazy. The proof? Today I submitted a paper on what happens to quantum computation when you have access to a time machine. But of course physicists don’t like to say time machine, so the title of the paper is “Quantum Computational Complexity in the Presence of Closed Timelike Curves.” It can be found on my publication page and will appear on the arXiv monday.
Click below for the abstract
Continue reading “BQP^(Time Travel)”
Retired Physicist
A place where really distinguished older physicists went to retire
-Robert Calderbank describing quantum computing prior to Shor’s algorithm
What Would You Do?
Me: W.W.F.D.?
Person: What would who do?
Me: What would Feynman do?
Person: Oh. Is Feynman like some kind of California Jesus?
Me (with an evil Mr. Burns-ish tapping of the fingers): Yeeees.
Drunk Free Will
Suppose you are told to attempt to produce a sting of zeros and ones which is completely random. Of course, one would like to believe that one could act totally random. But it is easy to write a computer program which gets as input a sample of some of the random sequences you produce and then, based on this sample, the program can be used to predict what you will produce if you re-attempt producing sequences with a probability of successfully predicting you which is better than chance. Scott Aaronson (who is visiting here from Berkeley) performed such an experiment and found that only one of the students he tested the program on could beat the program (in the sense of the program being unable to correctly predict the students sequences more than would be expected from chance.) Scott expressed this as “only one of my students had free will.”
Well the question I want to answer, is what happens to this effect as a function of the inebriation of the individual being tested. Do drunks have more or less free will than those who are sober? Perhaps a quantum beer night would help settle this question!
Wagering Pascal
Today I decided that I wanted to calculate the probability that the god of christianity exists.
If I took a poll of the average citizen of the United States I’d get something like a 75% probability that he exists.
But wait, you object, the United States is not a fair representative sample from which to make so bold of statement about the existence or nonexistence of a christian god. OK, so why don’t we take a poll over the entire planet Earth? Then the probability of a christian god drops to something around 33%.
But wait again, you object, we need a fairer representative than the people of earth. What about other inhabitants of our galaxy? Well Jesus was spreading the gospel 2000 years ago, so his message (traveling at the speed of light) could only have traveled 2000 light years. This is enough to cover around (2000/50000)^2 = 0.16% of the Galaxy (we overcount due to the higher density at the center, but, oh well.) Thus we conclude that the probability of a christian god existing is 0.16%.
Now just you wait one more time! We live in a universe, not in a galaxy! The number of galaxies in the universe is something like 100 billion. So the probability of a christian god existing goes down to 0.0000000000016%.
For comparison, the chance of winning the California Lotto is 0.000007%.
Heaven is a Job in…
One of the most frustrating aspects of living in the groves of academe (not a typo, my friends, look it up) is the lack of control one seems to have over the eventual institution where one gains long term employment. I mean, who in their right mind really wants to teach at the University of Alabama? Not to bash such a fine football school, but it is hard for me to imagine myself happy at such a locale (for geographic, political, climatic, and social reasons…if you must know.) And thus I find my goals morphed into not just gaining a tenure track position in physics, but in the suicidal attempt to do so somewhere where I would be happy to live even if I wasn’t doing physics. Of course like any good quaesitum much grief and stress is reigned upon my world for being so particular. But on the good days, I like to think it could happen. And on those days I go and surf the web to find the placed where I’d love to end up.
Below I’ve assembled my dream list. The first entry, as you will see, is so pie in the sky as to be laughable (but if you are Paul Allen or Bill Gates, please do read this entry, heh), but the others are the places that keep me motivated in the political regime of acquiring a job.
Continue reading “Heaven is a Job in…”
The R stands for Renormalization
R. P. Feynman characterized his work in QED as
a scheme for pushing a great problem under the rug. Maybe it will stay under the rug and, then again, maybe it won’t.
If this quote doesn’t fill you with a nagging desire to go look under the rug, then don’t become a theoretical physicist. If it does, take some aspirin, read the quote again for inspiration and then start doing problems.
Totally Recalled
The voting pamphlet for the California recall has a few choice entries. My favorite is definitely:
Trek Thunder Kelley Dear Voters, Please vote for me, thus breaking the Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon. I will legalize drugs, gambling, and prostitution…
Then there is the guy who has the following astounding qualification:
Ralph A. Hernandez …adopted puppy and kitten into our family;…
Finally here is an unusual platform:
Rich Gosse Single adults are the Rodney Dangerfields of our society. They “can’t get no respect.” I am the first candidate in California history to campaign on a Fairness for Singles Platform.
As seen on I-5
Today I passed a nun driving a SUV with a big JESUS bumper sticker who was drinking a super sized soda from McDonalds.
The First Great Era of Physics
Edward Teller is dead. The first great era of physics has ended.
Continue reading “The First Great Era of Physics”